Jan 062010
Gilbert Arenas has been suspended without pay indefinitely. Financially, this is a major blow, since he made nearly $150K a game.
To help him stave off poverty, I’ve come up with 5 ideas for temporary work that should tide him over until he is reinstated by the NBA. Based on his skill set, I believe he’d excel at any one of these jobs.
- Liaison Between NBA Players and Referees – Because he carries a gat, Arenas is uniquely capable of ensuring that referees call games fairly. If they don’t, Arenas could elect to use his guns to shoot them in the face.
- Professional Basketball Player that Shoots People – As far as I know, this position doesn’t exist in the U.S. I’m not as familiar with European basketball leagues, however. There may be an opportunity overseas.
- NBA Players Association Murder Consultant – Arenas can advise NBA players on how to use their guns to shoot people in the face.
- Giraffe Cowboy – While giraffes can run as fast or faster than horses, most gun-slinging cowboys don’t have enough athletic prowess to mount a giraffe, so they’ve been resigned to riding horses. Gilbert Arenas not only boasts gun skills, but also the speed and leaping ability to ride a giraffe.
- Hit Man for Very Tall People – Because he can jump extremely high, Gilbert Arenas might be one of the best-suited people in the world for shooting an 11 foot tall man in the face.
