When you’re Johnny Tubesteak, you repeatedly play the same role on Valentine’s Day: Heartbreaker. With that in mind, I’ve assembled pictures of five things that rhyme with “Heartbreaker.” See how many of them you can identify. I’ll post the answers in the comments section in a day or two. Good luck!
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Daytime television is so bad, it almost makes me want to get a job.
Actually, I might have to look into it. I wonder if there are any other benefits to this whole job thing.
In the January 25 post, I shared some of the great Facebook ads that have been specifically targeted at me. Well, those are nothing compared to the Facebook ads I saw yesterday.
My grandpa came over yesterday, and while he was here, he checked his Facebook account. Over his shoulder, I saw this ad:
I thought that was odd, but I didn’t say anything. Then, later in the evening, I caught my cat playing on the laptop. When I chased him off it, I saw this Facebook ad:
This was definitely weird, but I didn’t want to embarrass my cat, so I decided not to talk to him about it until later in the evening. Before we ever had a chance to discuss, however, my house was attacked by zombies. The zombies weren’t overly aggressive and became quickly distracted when they came across my laptop. One of them decided to check his Facebook page, and this ad came up:
While the zombies were engrossed in Facebook, I called my robot friend to come and kill them. He did, and after I thanked him, he asked if he could use my laptop to check Facebook. I said okay, and I noticed that after he logged in, this ad popped up in the sidebar:
I laughed to myself, and then decided that it was time to visit Andrew McCarthy. When I got to his house, I happened to see this ad on his Facebook page:
So, the moral of the story is: Don’t do drugs.
It turns out that there are major differences between The Clap and The Clapper.
Thus, when your great aunt tells you that she has The Clapper, it may be inappropriate to call her a skanky ho.
Lesson Learned.
I intended to watch the Super Bowl yesterday evening, but through a series of blunders ended up watching “The Super Bowel” on the Discovery Channel.
No harm done, however, as I realized my mistake after only three hours. I don’t think anyone at my Super Bowl party noticed.
Hello, and welcome to Tubesteak Challenge #3: Super Bowl Edition, brought to you by johnnytubesteak.com. Below are pictures of four things that rhyme with “Super Bowl.” See how many you can identify.
Good luck!
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Answers will be posted in the comments section within the next couple of days.
You heard it here first!!! The hottest celebrity gossip on the web!!!
What’s happening in Hollywood? The folks at johnnytubesteak.com have busted their butts to give you the most up-to-date celeb gossip anywhere! Check out these juicy stories!
- Orlando Bloom’s cousin received a voicemail from an unidentified caller at 8:32pm last night. It was a wrong number, so he didn’t call back.
- Wilford Brimley got a piece of broccoli stuck in his mustache at 4:53pm on Thursday. After a few licks with his tongue, he was able to remove it.
- The actor Ronald Reagan passed away in 2004.
- At 3:21am on Saturday, the force of gravity keeping Brad Pitt from floating away into space was equal to his mass times the mass of the earth, times the gravitational constant, divided by the distance between Brad and the earth. Authorities confirm that there has been no change in this situation since Saturday.
- The “Grammys” took place on Sunday evening. Many famous people were there.
Remember — you can’t find this kind of celebrity dish just anywhere. Be sure to check johnnytubesteak.com every day to get all the latest celebrity gossip!!!
Any person that works outside of the home knows that it’s impossible to avoid using public restrooms. Despite the fact that we’re all forced to use them, however, most people don’t feel comfortable doing so. With that in mind, I’ve compiled a short list of tips to make using public restrooms less awkward for you and the people in there with you.
1. Ease the Tension. You’re not the only one who finds the situation awkward, so take every opportunity you can find to ease the tension of everyone else in the restroom with you. Is the guy at the urinal dealing with stage-fright? Give him a quick back rub. Does he seem nervous about the size of his penis? Let him know right off the bat: “Sir, you have an adequately sized penis.” It’s a small amount of effort, but it will go a long way toward lightening the mood.
2. Make Some Conversation. There seems to be an unspoken rule about talking too much in a public restroom. But why? As humans, we are verbal creatures that thrive on communication with one another. So don’t be afraid to start talking. Need help getting started? Be observant about what’s going on around you. “Hey, You in the stall: it smells like you had a burrito for lunch. Have you tried that new taco place on Halsted Road?” Or to the guy at the urinal, “I noticed you wincing while you peed. Burning urine could be a sign of syphilis, you know…”
3. Be Helpful. True community is about helping each other, and a public restroom should be a reflection of that. If a guy is ready to wash his hands, get in there and help him lather up. Is there a chance that the toilet paper has run out in one of the occupied stalls? You’ll never know unless you peek your head under the stall to check.
4. Be Considerate. While your bathroom at home provides “alone” time, there is no such thing in a public restroom. Thus, you need to be considerate of other people’s wants and needs. Are you in the restroom with a germaphobe? Show him that you care–when you walk up to the sink, don’t just wash your hands; drop your pants and wash everything. Are you in the handicap stall when a handicapped person enters the restroom? Be considerate, and get out of there as fast as possible. Don’t waste time pulling up your pants or wiping; just get to the next available stall as soon as possible.
Public restrooms are rarely a good time. I think you’ll find, however, that they are a whole lot less awkward when you follow these simple tips.