Daylight saving time went into effect over the weekend, a sure signal that spring is on its way. To celebrate the occasion, I have collected images of six things that rhyme with “daylight.” To win this week’s Tubesteak Challenge, be the first person to email the correct names of each of those things to jt@johnnytubesteak.com (remember: they all rhyme with “daylight”). To the winner, I offer true fame; I will mention your name in tomorrow’s post. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so don’t screw it up.
Good luck!
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The correct answers will be posted tomorrow. To see previous Tubesteak Challenges, click here and scroll down past today’s post.
I don’t have a lot of friends, so if I want to play a practical joke on someone, I usually have to play it on myself.
Here’s one of my favorites: If I know I have a big meeting at work the next day, sometimes I’ll eat a whole can of beans just before I go to bed. Then the next day, when I’m standing up in front of everybody at the big meeting, the hilarity ensues. I’m in constant pain the entire meeting as I try to avoid an embarrassing blowout in my pants. I hate that. It’s hilarious.
Tubesteak Challenge tomorrow. Be there, or be a square.
I hope that when people see me exiting a restroom with wet shoes they assume it’s because I’m an aggressive hand washer.
I don’t want to inappropriately use the word “miracle,” but I wore a white sweatshirt on top of a white T-shirt yesterday, and somehow still wound up with blue belly button lint.
I don’t know for sure, but it’s probably a sign that I’m a prophet or some sort of chosen one.
If you ever want to feel like less of a man, let your wife buy soap and shampoo for you. I’ve spent the last week smelling like a mixture of lavender and cocoa butter.
Luckily, I’ve been able to fart nearly constantly to cover up that embarrassing girly smell.
Hello, and welcome to the Tubesteak Challenge! For this week’s Challenge, I’ve collected pictures of six things that rhyme with “Fairy-tale.” See how many of them you can identify. The first person to email the correct answers to me (jt@johnnytubesteak.com) WINS a brief period of my conditional friendship.
To see previous Tubesteak Challenges, click here and scroll down past this week’s Challenge.
Good luck!
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The correct answers will be posted in the comments section in a day or two.
While the women get all the glory on the red carpet at the Academy Awards, the Celebrity Gossip Team at JohnnyTubesteak.com knows that sometimes the men look just as good, if not better, on Oscar night. But which of the men were the hottest on Sunday night? Here are our picks:
Smoking
Thankfully, the state of California temporarily lifted their ban on smoking in a public places just long enough for a smoking Gerard Butler to walk through.
Smoldering
If you look closely enough, you can easily see the red-hot embers on this smoldering celeb. Smokey Bear would not be happy that Jake Gyllenhal is looking this hot while standing next to so many flammable objects.
Flaming
With a skinny pant and a skinny tie, Zac Efron was certainly flaming on Oscar night. I’m afraid that even an entire team of firemen would not be enough to handle this guy.
Full-fledged Inferno
Not a lot of men could pull off these accessories, but anytime George Clooney hits the red carpet, you know that there is going to be a full-fledged inferno. His girlfriend must have soaked her skin in abestos or some other flame retardant to stand so close and not burst into flames herself.
For all the latest celebrity gossip, be sure to check JohnnyTubesteak.com about once every four or five minutes.
Most people prefer a hairy coworker to a coworker that waxes various body parts at work.
And if you like your job, you’re better off embracing that hairy butt crack.
Lesson learned.
I could be wrong, but I’d bet that if you surveyed couples with a history of intimacy, they would tell you that the word “weenie” doesn’t come up very often in dirty talk.
My wife scolded me the other day for leaving my toenail clippings on the coffee table. According to her, the coffee table “has to be about the worst place to leave your disgusting toenail clippings.”
While I agree that the coffee table is a bad place to leave toenail clippings, I don’t think that it’s the worst place to leave them. To prove my point, I will now list five places that are worse for leaving toenail clippings than the coffee table.
- The Dining Room Table. Imagine Thanksgiving Day, and Grandma asks you to pass the salt. You quickly scan the table looking for it, when you spot it — right between the yams and the toenail clippings. I’d say that’s worse than the coffee table.
- The Ice Cube Tray. Imagine it’s Friday night, and you are fixing yourself a drink. You drop an ice cube from the ice cube tray into your drink, and immediately notice that there are toenail clippings in the ice cube. I think you’d be peeved, moreso than if you had found toenail clippings on the coffee table.
- In a Pot of Leftover Soup. When you unwittingly bite into a spoonful of toenail clippings, I doubt you will say, “Well, at least these toenail clippings weren’t left on the coffee table.”
- In a Bag of Rice. Toenail clippings look a lot like rice. Imagine the frustration you’ll feel having to sort through a bag of rice to pull out the toenail clippings every time you want to cook a batch of szechuan tofu. I anticipate that it would be more frustrating than finding toenail clippings on the coffee table.
- In Someone’s Jar of Fingernail Clippings. Picture this: you’re feeling nostalgic, and you want to relive old memories by going through the jar of fingernail clippings you’ve been saving for the last 30 years. When you open the jar, however, you realize that it has been tainted by someone else’s toenail clippings. You know that the toenail clippings are in there, but they don’t look different enough from the fingernail clippings to really pick them out. Suddenly, your jar of fingernail clippings seems a bit gross. I believe you would say to yourself, “This is much, much worse than finding toenail clippings on my coffee table.”
There may be even more places out there that would be worse for leaving toenail clippings than a coffee table; I’m not sure. What I am sure of, though, and what I am fairly confident I have proven today, is that the coffee table is not the worst place for a person to leave his/her toenail clippings.