According to an investigation recently reported by CNN, many Security and Exchange Commission staffers spent their workdays viewing and downloading porn as the country sank into its deepest financial recession in more than 70 years. One employee had over 600 pornographic images saved to her hard drive, and another high ranking official admitted to spending 8 hours a day downloading porn, saving the files to CDs and DVDs after his hard drive had reached full capacity.
Investigators first suspected there might be a problem when reports issued by the SEC more frequently included the words “sucks” and “blows” to describe the state of the U.S. financial system.
The real tipping point, said one member of the inspector general’s office, was when a brief statement issued by the SEC included the following statements:
1) “The U.S. economy no longer has the stamina to satisfy the entire country.”
2) “With our financial system now a shell of its former self, maintaining viability only through the reputation it built years ago, America has become the Ron Jeremy of world economic powers.”
3) “While we have further detail on this economic meltdown, we will not be sharing it until some college girls show us their boobs.”
Attempts were made to contact an SEC official for comments, but his secretary said he had been locked in his office all day and did not want to be interrupted.
