Below are pictures of five things that rhyme with the name of a famous actor. Identify each of the pictures and the name of the famous actor to WIN a limerick written by me, about you! Wow!
The first person to email the correct answers to jt@johnnytubesteak.com is the winner. If no one gets them all correct, the person with the most correct answers will win.
Good luck!
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I’ll post the answers in the comments section in a day or two.
In England to promote MAC’s Viva Glam Campaign to fight AIDS, Lady Gaga recently spoke up in favor of celibacy.
“It’s okay not to have sex, it’s okay to get to know people. I’m celibate, celibacy is fine,” said the pop icon. She later added, “It’s not really cool anymore to have sex all the time.”
According to The Frisky, Lady Gaga is just one of many celebrities that have, in recent years, claimed abstinence. The list includes many big names, including Adriana Lima, Robert Pattinson, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and the Jonas Brothers.
Other celebrities have also been heard promoting chastity. In a 2009 interview, Jamie Foxx talked at length about the benefits of abstaining from sex, saying that “abstinence is cool.”
The trend continues to gain steam, and it definitely appears that there is a certain “cool factor” associated with not having sex.
In a related story, I would like to introduce you to the coolest man alive:
It’s been said that there is no greater pain than having your heart broken.
I bet that getting hit in the balls with a sledgehammer while someone paper-cuts your eyeball is right up there, though.
I’m incapable of looking at an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet as anything but a challenge.
I don’t care if the food tastes like crap, I don’t care if my stomach hurts for a week, and I don’t care if I have to step into the restroom to vomit so that I can clear room — if the cost of the buffet is $9.95, I’m going to make those bastards pay by eating $10.50 worth of food.
Sometimes I win, and sometimes the buffet wins. But this is undoubtedly true: the toilet always loses.
If you’re over 30, and your tooth was knocked out in a bar fight, don’t bother putting it under your pillow; the Tooth Fairy will probably not be coming. Apparently the cachet of losing a tooth is pretty much gone after age 10.
Oh – and don’t leave a letter for the Tooth Fairy, promising to spend all of your tooth money on her if she’ll kindly wake you up. There’s a good chance that will piss off your wife.
Lesson learned.
There is nothing more painful than a fart that refuses to come out. And the pain isn’t just physical; it’s emotional.
As a lover of flatulence, I liken it to a rebellious teenage son. You devote so much of your life, so much of your time, and so much of your love to him, and, yet, he continually causes you pain.
At some point, he may even hurt you enough that you question your unconditional love for him. But deep inside you, even the places that hurt worst know that the love remains, so you persevere.
Perseverance can be difficult, especially during those bleakest times, but it is almost always rewarded. For one day, he will recognize the error of his ways and realize, with full appreciation, how much love he has been shown.
And on that day, joy will shoot out of your butthole.
I’m not familiar with this place, but I heard this commercial on the radio today.
I’m not in the market for such services, but this guy definitely sounds like a respectable businessman.
PORTLAND, ME — Dozens of women went topless on Saturday in a demonstration of women’s rights. Both residents and tourists in Portland, Maine were surprised by the march, which took place within city limits during the afternoon.
“Why do men get to whip off their shirts at any time, and nobody bats an eyelash?” asked one of the protesters, Cecil Corson (female). Other women at the demonstration shared Cecil’s sentiments, all hoping that the protest would help change the current cultural perception that it is only acceptable for a man to take his shirt off in public. According to these demonstrators, women should have the exact same rights as men when it comes to being comfortable outside of the home.
How effective were they in changing perceptions? The reporters at johnnytubesteak.com were onsite to collect comments from witnesses.
- Joe P., Portland resident: “Hey did you see all those boobs? That was awesome!”
- Harold F., Portland resident: “Ja-Ja-Ja-Jugs!!!”
- Sam D., Westbrook, ME: “I like boobs.”
- Thomas K., Hartford, CT: “Topless broads are great, but there were really only about five good boobs out there today. The two blonde twins’ [breasts] were great, and there was a chubbier brunette that had one nice one.”
Police on the scene said that although no permits were filed for the demonstration, the protest was peaceful and did not create any major problems. Added Officer Joseph Trudeau, “It always makes work more enjoyable when chicks start whipping out their funbags.”
It’s the day after Easter, and you, understandably, are disappointed that the holiday fun has ended. Well, here’s a tip to extend that Easter fun one more day.
You, no doubt, hard-boiled some eggs for Easter this year. You and your kids colored the eggs, and then you hid them so that your children could find them. Everyone loves an Easter egg hunt!
So this Easter Monday, give them another hunt that they’ll never forget! Take those hard-boiled Easter eggs and eat as many of them as you can, Cool Hand Luke-style. Let them percolate in your belly for about an hour, and then begin dropping eggy farts in every nook and cranny you find throughout the house. (If your toots tend to follow you wherever you go, you may want to release into Ziploc bags, sealing the bags immediately after emission. Then hide the bags!)
After you’ve completely emptied out your insides, call the kids and let the hunt begin!
Q: How will I know when they’ve found one?
A: If you’ve done your job correctly, you will most certainly know when they’ve found one.
The holiday fun doesn’t need to end on Easter Sunday. Here at johnnytubesteak.com, we believe that holidays can last as long as you want, as long as you have a little imagination.
Since 1914, the second Sunday of May has been nationally recognized as Mother’s Day. Over 70 countries besides the U.S. have annually celebrated mothers on this same second Sunday of May, and almost every country in the world has designated one day each calendar year to honor the women that reared us.
After 95 years of annual Mother’s Day celebrations, I think it’s safe to say that moms have been adequately repaid for everything they’ve done for us. So let’s stop belaboring the “Moms, you’re great” point, and give someone else a chance to be recognized — someone that really deserves it.
Jeremy M. won the Tubesteak SUPER Challenge on Thursday, and I can think of no one more deserving of a holiday. Thus, I am officially changing the second Sunday of every May from Mother’s Day to International Jeremy Appreciation Day. If you know a Jeremy, throw him/her a party and maybe buy him/her a car this May 9. We all know that he/she has earned it. It’s also important because things can get pretty messy if you don’t give a Jeremy his/her due respect, as we all learned from Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy” video.
So forget your mom this May 9 — I’m sure that she already knows that you love her. Instead, spend the day celebrating a Jeremy. I know I will.