You, also, would sleep with the lights on if you watched an episode of Paranormal State before bed and then had to spend the night listening to raccoons mating on the roof of your house.
On a separate note, congratulations to Lisa M. for winning last week’s Tubesteak Challenge! Lisa wins a limerick, which I will post on the blog as soon as I find a leprechaun to help me write it.
As I was flexing my muscles in the mirror completely nude this morning, I noticed some white chunks in my armpit hair.
At first, I assumed it was just deodorant residue, but then I remembered that I don’t use deodorant. My next thought was pit dandruff, but I’ve been using Selsun Blue on my armpits, so that seemed unlikely. I then considered the possibility of armpit lice, but what is the chance, really, that my mustache lice were able to travel down to my armpits? Finally, I recalled spilling some cottage cheese and not having a rag or paper towel a few days ago. I’ll bet you that cleaning up spilled cottage cheese with my armpit hair is the reason I had white chunks under my arm this morning.
Mystery solved.
I hope that when people see me exiting a restroom with wet shoes they assume it’s because I’m an aggressive hand washer.
I don’t want to inappropriately use the word “miracle,” but I wore a white sweatshirt on top of a white T-shirt yesterday, and somehow still wound up with blue belly button lint.
I don’t know for sure, but it’s probably a sign that I’m a prophet or some sort of chosen one.